Birdy the Alcoholic Scarecrow

I love Conker's Bad Fur Day.  Say what you will about having a game filled with crude adult humor on a Nintendo system, but this is still the funniest game I've ever played.  The stages, most of which parodied popular movies, were all memorable and enjoyable (as well as frustrating, I'm looking at you, dinosaur-themed world).  We know from a previous posting about a certain sentient pile of dung that Conker has its fair share of weirdness, and today I want to talk about one of my favorite characters in the game: Birdy the Scarecrow.

He almost looks like a distant relative of Jack Skellington from the Nightmare Before Christmas.

You are introduced to Birdy fairly early in the game, in a tutorial sequence that teaches Conker how to use context-sensitive platforms (which are just platforms you stand on in order to activate a special power-up specific to that area of the map).  After you get over the shock of having a creepy-looking scarecrow come to life and talk to you, you immediately notice that this guy is totally wasted.  What follows is a hilarious conversation between Conker and Birdy where Birdy tries to explain the concept of context-sensitive areas, while clearly not knowing the meaning of context-sensitivity.

But in the end, Conker finally uses a nearby context-sensitive (trust me, after watching this sequence of the game, you will never get tired of saying "context-sensitive") platform to give a beer to his new straw-filled buddy.



Sadly you only run into Birdy at one other point in the game, during another funny sequence where he rambles on about reading manuals and wanting Mepsi Pax (a play on Pepsi Max, a favorite drink of a member of the Conker development team who was nicknamed Beardy). Whether you love him or are annoyed with him, you have to agree that Birdy is one weird and unique character!

The Rise and Fall of Handheld Console Battery Life: A Modern Tragedy

After hearing the news about the Playstation Vita's 2012 U.S. release date, I again began to debate whether this handheld is worth waiting for, or if I should just take the plunge and buy a 3DS.  Inevitably I decided to compare the reported battery lives of the two handhelds, and the results were not too satisfying.  Both the Vita and the 3DS have an approximate battery life of 3-5 hours, meaning you'll be spending a lot of time with your good friend Mr. AC Adapter.  Apparently I'm not the only one upset about this.  Whatever happened to the good old days of handheld gaming?  Remember when changing batteries in your original Gameboy seemed like a rare occurrence?

With that in mind, I decided it would be interesting to look at the battery lives of some of the more popular handheld gaming consoles over the years.   Let's graph these suckers:

Click to expand.

Well you can thank the Sega Game Gear (3 hour battery life!) for ruining my hypothesis that battery life had improved up until a certain point, after which there would be a steep drop.  But still, look at that 30 hour battery life of the Gameboy Color then compare it to the approximately 4 hours of the 3DS.  Portable gaming just isn't so portable anymore.  Until battery technology catches up with modern hardware, we will still end up tethered to a power outlet most of the time.

Nintendo 3DS and the Raiders of the Awkward Right Joystick

Sorry for the lack of updates the past couple weeks, I have plunged into the world of web development and have been caught up learning PHP and CSS, as well as re-learning HTML (an annoying language in my opinion).

Anyway, a bit of news about the Nintendo 3DS that I thought worth mentioning in this blog of strangeness: the incredibly awkward-looking right analog stick add-on.

Is it just me or does this add-on look incredibly clunky and uncomfortable?  From an aesthetic standpoint, it gives the impression of a cheap and rushed addition.  Also it seems as if the face buttons would be a little difficult to reach during an action-packed gaming session.  Here's hoping for a future redesign of the 3DS that will incorporate dual analog sticks into a better controller layout.

Tingle: The Man-Elf From Your Worst Nightmares

When you stop to think about it, the Legend of Zelda games have some genuinely creepy characters.  People have plenty to fear from these games, be it Ooccoo from Twilight Princess, the Redeads from Ocarina of Time, and probably the most feared character of them all: Tingle.

Tingle first appeared to haunt our nightmares in Majora's Mask for the N64,  where he desperately wants to be a fairy.  He has become so delusional that he thinks wearing green full-body spandex, acting extremely flamboyant, and flying around with the help of a balloon tied to his waist has magically transformed him.  Sadly the only way to receive maps for certain areas of the game are by buying them through Tingle, so for most of us, this creature was unavoidable.

And then, for reasons unknown, Nintendo decided that Tingle was a huge hit, and to the horror of gamers everywhere they made the choice to include him in many Zelda games following Majora's Mask.  I still remember thinking that after Majora's Mask I was done with that man-elf once and for all, only to cry in anguish upon finding him in The Oracle of Ages, floating around and staring at me with that creepy smile that would strike fear into the heart of Ganon.

As if that wasn't enough, Nintendo chose to torture us even more by upping the ante in the Wind Waker.  We not only get Tingle, but we get a location called Tingle Island that is entirely populated by Tingle clones!

Why did Nintendo do this to us?  Is it because Wind Waker is a game about sailing the open seas, so Nintendo wanted to include their version of the Bermuda Triangle?

Thankfully, Miyamoto decided to give us a break by not including the man-elf-satan in Twilight Princess, probably knowing that a game with both Tingle and Ooccoo would probably scare away most gamers from future Zelda games.  But it still doesn't excuse them from all the Tingle appearances in the past.  Until next time, Tingle, Tingle, Kooloo-Limpah!

A Strange Moment in Gaming History

This installment of A Strange Moment in Gaming History is a piece of shit, literally.  I'm talking about none other than The Great Mighty Poo from Conker's Bad Fur day for the Nintendo 64.

Who would have thought that something so strange as a sentient, steaming pile of crap could be among the best features of the Conker game?

The Great Mighty Poo is the ruler of Poo Mountain, which is essentially a pile of shit even bigger than the gigantic Poo himself, although it is not "alive" like he is.  The residents of this mountain include dung beetles who happily tunnel through the mountain, rolling up balls of dung which they later feast on (along with swearing at Conker and attacking him if he gets too close).

The lovely sight of Poo Mountain

Eventually Conker reaches a point where he has to do battle with the Mighty Poo, and here is where we find that not only is the Mighty Poo a living pile of crap (with sweet corn kernels for teeth, ugh), he is a singing pile of crap, an opera singer no less!  I kid you not!



In order to defeat this dangerous, opera singing shitbag, Conker must throw rolls of toilet paper into the Mighty Poo's mouth during opportune times of his song.  When all is said and done, we find that the Poo has been sitting on top of a toilet bowl this whole time, and Conker merely has to flush him away, making us say goodbye to one of the strangest and most hilarious aspects of the game.

This concludes another installment of A Strange Moment in Gaming History, if you have a strange gaming moment that you would like to see featured, feel free to send it to strangegaming86@yahoo.com