ReDeads in Zelda: The Nintendo Take on Zombies

Zombies, zombies everywhere!  At least that's what it seems like when it comes to videogames (and more recently, television shows).  The Legend of Zelda games are no exception due to their own form of zombie: the ReDead.  Today let's observe this undead (does being re-dead technically count as undead? hmm...) monstrosity that Link must face.

ReDeads made their first appearance in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, and what a first appearance it is.  Link finds himself in an underground tomb of the royal family of Hyrule (located in Kakariko Village's graveyard), and comes across a large room filled with zombie ReDeads.  In fact, the majority of ReDeads are found in tombs, as well as Hyrule Castle Town after Ganondorf sacks it.  It wouldn't be appropriate to have this super-disturbing enemy hanging out on the sunny beach of Lake Hylia, now would it?

Before you even catch sight of a ReDead, you'll know it's nearby due to the distinctive moaning sounds it makes (maybe it's saying "braaaiiinss" in the Hylian language?).  They walk extremely slow, and with a hunchbacked posture, fitting for a zombie.  You might think that this would make them easy to avoid, but the game developers were one step ahead of you.  ReDeads will let out a high-pitched scream when Link is nearby, which paralyzes him in fear.  When this happens, you helplessly watch as one or more of these monsters shambles towards the frozen Link.  Once they are close enough, they will jump on Link's back and proceed to bite him.

Just like the Dead Hand in Ocarina of Time, this creature was clearly designed to give kids nightmares.  It's definitely one of the most-feared enemies in the game.

Like most enemies in Ocarina of Time, the ReDead makes an appearance in The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask.  This game also contains an enemy called the Gibdo, which is basically a ReDead dressed up in mummy wrappings.  While wearing the Gibdo mask, Link can converse with some of these zombie mummies, while you try to decide if you're horrified or amused.

ReDeads even pull in a guest appearance in The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker.  Here they abandon their previous looks for something we are more accustomed to seeing with zombies.  They have greenish dead-looking skin, as well as a mouthful of teeth, definitely nailing the undead corpse look.  They have very long arms which almost drag on the ground, and a gigantic head (oddly enough, they even have earrings), making for an altogether disturbing visual appearance.  Like their previous incarnations, they have a paralyzing scream that incapacitates Link.

That about wraps up our quick look at the zombie creatures in the Legend of Zelda games.  ReDeads are definitely a frightening enemy, due to their appearance and their ability to freeze Link on the spot.  They are proof that Nintendo does display a bit of a dark side every once in a while, and that's fine with me!

What did you guys think of the ReDeads?  Did they give you a fright when you first encountered them?

Skulltulas in Zelda Games: Webs of Horror

Leave it to the creators of the Legend of Zelda games to marry two things that freak people out: spiders and human skulls.  What do you get when you combine those?  Skulltulas of course!  Let's take a look at this monstrous arachnid's appearances in some of the Zelda games.

The reason these spiders are called Skulltulas is because they tend to have a human skull-shaped pattern covering their backside.  They can range in size from small dog to holy-hell-it's-bigger-than-a-horse.  One thing they all have in common though is a taste for human flesh, since they will ruthlessly attack Link whenever he's in the area.

In Ocarina of Time, there are a few varieties of Skulltula to encounter.  These Skulltulas have an incredibly pronounced human skull pattern on their back, complete with gaping eye sockets and even a hole where the nose would go.  It's almost as if someone glued a Halloween mask to their backs.

The largest breed of this spider is more massive than adult Link.  It hangs from the ceiling and will drop down in a surprise attack once you get within range.  After it has lowered down on its web, this Skulltula will execute a spin attack if Link gets too close while facing the spider's back (the easiest way to defeat it is to slash at its exposed belly).

Smaller varieties in this game are the Skullwalltula and Gold Skulltula.  Skullwalltulas usually hang out in areas where Link has to climb, clinging to vines and rock walls.  If Link gets too close, this spider will charge at him and knock him off the climbable surface.

Gold Skulltulas are more docile, but will still cause damage to Link if he touches it.  Defeating this breed of spider will enable Link to help a family in Kakariko Village who were cursed and transformed into human-Skulltula hybrids (yes it's as horrifying as it sounds).  As you collect Gold Skulltula tokens, the family members will turn back into humans one by one.

Skulltulas also make an appearance in The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks.  As Link travels the land in his train, there are certain sections of the map where these spiders will drop down and hang right over the tracks.  They will proceed to swing back and forth over the tracks, making for a somewhat challenging target to hit with the train's cannon, especially when you're moving at top speed.  Like their counterparts in Ocarina of Time, these Skulltulas are huge, easily as big as the train itself, and contain pretty much the same skull pattern on their backs.

In The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, our favorite arachnids once again show up for combat, but in a form we aren't used to.  Unlike the previous two games we just discussed, where this enemy primarily hangs from webs or climbs on walls, the Twilight Princess Skulltulas are capable of walking on the ground.  This makes them a much more dangerous enemy since they aren't limited to staying in one small area like we're used to seeing.

A Skulltula lowering onto the battlefield.

Also the pattern on their backs is much less pronounced, appearing as if someone took some face paint and tried to draw a vague skull-like face on them.  As a matter of fact, when I played through this game I didn't even recognize them as Skulltulas for a while because of these differences (when they walk on the ground it's actually kind of hard to even see the pattern on their backs).

That about wraps up our quick look at this shudder-inducing enemy in the Zelda games.  Did any variant of Skulltula give you the creeps?

The Dead Hand in Ocarina of Time: Nightmares for Everyone!

As I've said many times, the Zelda games contain many horrors that make you question if they should be played by kids.  Every once in a while this series will contain a monster that is so grotesque and disturbing that it looks like it belongs in a Resident Evil game.  Today we're going to look at one such monster: a boss from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time called the Dead Hand.

Immediately you'll notice that the Dead Hand is not a very pleasant creature to look at.  It looks like a blob of fat encased in pale white corpse-like skin, covered with patches of blood for good measure.  It has two stubby arms with apparently no hands attached (you'd think that would contradict its name, but just wait and see), and a hunchbacked posture. 

Because no monstrosity would be complete without a horrific face, the Dead Hand has a large head with a set of gigantic teeth.  Looking back at it, he kind of looks similar to the Joker in the Batman animated series.

Now the reason this beast is called the Dead Hand is because it commands a group of hands which protrude out of the ground.  If you make the mistake of getting too close to one of these hands, they will grab Link by the head and hold him there while the Dead Hand moves in for the attack.  Needless to say it's a horrifying feeling to watch this monster creep over to poor helpless Link and take a bit out of him with those huge teeth.

Hello nightmare material.

In order to take down the Dead Hand, you must hit him in the face with Link's sword.  This can be tricky since it tends to hold its face high in the air (taking it out of range of the sword) until it gets close enough to bite Link.  If you can manage this technique without getting caught too many times by the hands, you'll be rewarded with an end to this current nightmare, and a whole set of disturbing memories of this monster.

What did you guys think of the Dead Hand?  Do you think Nintendo went a bit too far by putting this disgusting monster into the game?

The Evil Moon in Majora's Mask

Usually when you think of a full moon, what comes to mind are werewolves, or people going crazy and doing stupid things.  But what happens when the scary thing isn't caused by the moon, but is actually the moon itself?  What we get is the ever-present threat from The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, the moon.

First of all, any moon with a face on it is bound to look creepy, but the monstrous face on the Majora's Mask moon looks like it was custom made to enter your nightmares.

Anyway, for the uninitiated, the moon in this game started off as a harmless lunar body orbiting at a safe distance above Termina (the alternate reality version of Hyrule field).  Things were changed when a skull kid (yes that's what he's called) wielding the powerful and mysterious Majora's Mask makes the decision to bring down the moon and destroy Termina.

You can all thank this guy for trying to pass off mass destruction as a prank.

Presumably at this point, the moon somehow grew a screwed up face as it prepared to descend towards the planet.  Either that or the moon already was orbiting the planet with its face of horror; possibly it's the former explanation since the moon is being possessed by Majora's Mask.

The slowly falling moon takes center stage in Majora's Mask, where Link has three days to reverse the wickedness of the skull kid before the moon smashes into Termina.  A nice touch is that the moon is actually falling in real-time, and as the hours go by you'll notice it getting ever larger as it descends upon Clock Town (the central town in the game).  If you happen to use up all three days without saving the world, you'll be presented with a cutscene of the moon causing Armageddon.

The future isn't looking too bright.

Towards the end of the game, when Link has his final showdown with the evil powers contained in Majora's Mask, he will actually enter the moon.  Somehow the inside of the moon contains an endless grassy field with a single tree at the center of it all.  It makes no sense whatsoever, but then again all the logic in the game has pretty much fallen apart at this point, so we just have to accept it.

Apparently the moon even has its own sun orbiting around inside it.

And that wraps up pretty much everything about the evil possessed moon in Majora's Mask.  It's huge, it's scary-looking, and it wants to consume an entire planet.  Compared to this, our moon seems rather dull in comparison, don't you think?

The Ghostly Poes in Zelda: Ocarina of Time

What's Halloween without a good ghost story?  Well how about this: once upon a time in the land of Hyrule, a hero named Link encountered many ghosts on his journeys.  The ghosts are called Poes, and in this article we'll be looking at their appearances in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

In Ocarina of Time, you will encounter Poes all over Hyrule, but their main haunt is the Kakariko Village graveyard.  If Link is foolish enough to start disturbing the graves by pulling back their headstones, Poes will appear and begin patrolling the graveyard.  These ghosts are all pretty similar in appearance, wearing a hood which hides all facial features except for their glowing eyes, and carrying a lantern.

Expect to find a large concentration of ghosts here.

Poes will attack Link by charging at him while spinning their lantern around.  Trying to lock on to most Poes will cause them to go invisible, eliminating any easy slingshot/bow-and-arrow attacks.  Successfully defeating these ghosts will allow you to capture their spirit, which you can then drink (gross), or sell to a Poe collector.

There are various special Poes found throughout the game, such as Big Poes who appear at specific locations in Hyrule field, which fetch a high price at the Poe Collector.  Another example are four special Poes found in the Forest Temple, which must be defeated in order to advance to the temple's boss.

A Big Poe eludes capture.

While not very scary, these ghosts add a little bit of darkness to Ocarina of Time, and they are for the most part well-placed in areas of Hyrule that should be haunted (the land does have a bloody history after all).

A Super Turbo Turkey Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!  Hope everyone's having a good time and getting ready for some great food.  Before you pass the mashed potatoes, how about celebrating Thanksgiving by playing a little Super Turbo Turkey Puncher 3?  Ok so this isn't an actual standalone game, it's a mini-game/Easter egg in Doom 3.  Early on in Doom 3 you come across an arcade machine containing a mini-game with Doom 1-style graphics, where you play as the original Doom Guy, punching turkeys with the brass knuckles from Doom 1.  Strange? Yes.  Addicting? Possibly.


Of course if you're not a turkey fan, you could always harass some chickens in a Zelda game.  Have fun!

The Possible Recurring Cast of Skyward Sword (Massive Speculation)

After all this time, The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword is almost upon us! The first and last Wii-exclusive Zelda title (remember, Twilight Princess was also a Gamecube title) looks to send the Wii out with a bang. It is much too early to speculate what the Zelda games will be like once the franchise inevitably moves to the Wii U, seeing as we don't know much about it other than the controller looks like a giant white high-definition Sega Game Gear. However, with Skyward Sword's release just around the corner, now is the perfect time to add to the excitement by guessing what will be in this game.

In this article I wanted to speculate about which recurring characters we will see in Skyward Sword. Recurring characters are no stranger to the Zelda franchise, which of course features the same protagonist in every game. After the series' jump to 3D with Ocarina of Time, more and more characters in the Zelda universe have made an appearance in some form. Majora's Mask is an extreme case due to being set in an alternate universe to Ocarina of Time, with alternate versions of most of the Hyrule population. With that said, let's take a look at a few characters from past Zelda games, and make a wild guess if they will appear in Skyward Sword.

The Postman

We all know this guy, he was called the Running Man during his first Zelda appearance in Ocarina of Time, and since then has taken up a career in postal delivery for later Zelda games. I'd almost be willing to bet money he will show up in Skyward Sword, mainly because of how many times this guy has put in a cameo lately. Imagine the possibilities! The Postal Man with winged boots, running/flying through the clouds to deliver mostly pointless mail to Link.  Not too exciting, but maybe I just want to see the Postman run on air.

The Happy Mask Salesman

Ok I know this would probably be a stretch. We haven't seen the quick-tempered mask salesman on a non-handheld console since Majora's Mask. Presumably this is because he's the first person you see when you respawn in the clock tower, during the period when you are dangerously enraged by yet another repeated failure to save Clock Town from the evil of Miyamoto's three-day time limit. Still, we've all had over ten years to cool off and (mostly) get over our grudge against the mask salesman for making us repeat the same three days over and over in a style that Dark Tower fans will appreciate.  It would be fun to see this guy in Skyward Sword, if only for the nostalgia.

Tingle

You didn't think I'd leave Tingle off this list did you?

Admit it, before reading a single word in the opening paragraph of this article, you made a quick scroll-through to see if I was going to mention this character.  I know, I'm always getting on Tingle's case.  Why the Nintendo devs chose to include the flamboyant map-maker/creepy man-elf in so many Zelda games, we may never know. Tingle hasn't put in an appearance outside of handheld consoles since the horror known as Tingle Island in the Wind Waker, but I wouldn't be surprised if he made a triumphant return to our nightmares through Skyward Sword. I grudgingly admit that he would probably be a good fit for this game, due to the balloon he uses to float around. Can't you just picture him flying hundreds of feet above Hyrule field, slowly drifting towards Link with his balloon, blood dripping down his chin while he sings Tingle Tingle Kooloo-Limpah? Maybe he'll even make an appearance as an optional boss battle:

This concludes my quick speculation as to what Zelda characters could make a cameo appearance in Skyward Sword. What recurring characters would you guys like to see in this latest Zelda release?

Gaming Questions That Have Yet To Be Answered

We all know that games are fantasy worlds where anything goes. The laws of physics can be laughed at, respawning is second nature to us, any conceivable creature or object can speak and act like a human, and so on and so forth. Sometimes you can't avoid questioning some of these design choices (I for one can be nit-picky at times). For example, I'm sure everyone who has played a Zelda game has wondered how Link can carry a ton of items at the same time without being burdened the slightest bit. Today we look at some similar questions from gaming over the years.


1. Why is Pacman being chased by ghosts?

 
Seriously, think about it for a second.  What's the story behind Pacman?  Is he exorcising a haunted house?  Strolling through a graveyard on Halloween?  Apparently Pacman is the first survival-horror game ever created.  Not only that, but the main character makes protagonists from later games seem like a bunch of sissies.  After all, this spherical badass can eat ghosts.


2. Why are Dr. Robotnik's technological creations so powerful, yet so vulnerable to being jumped on?

It seems that over the years Dr. Robotnik has created every sort of metal monstrosity known to mankind/hedgehogkind.  How is it that machines which are capable of burrowing through solid rock, or being fully submerged in lava, are brought to their knees when a tiny hedgehog jumps on it?

Maybe the lava weakened the armor plating?

The rock is no match for the hedgehog.

You'd think that after getting his ass kicked multiple times in Sonic the Hedgehog 1, Robotnik would have invested more into his R&D department.  It doesn't take a genius to figure out that Sonic dies when he touches metal spikes, just cover your machines with these to ensure world domination!


3. Why does Rayman have no limbs?

Ok maybe I'm starting to nitpick a bit much here, but seriously, what's going on here?  Is he the result of top secret government experiments?  Maybe he's a relative of Andross from the Star Fox games, or even Homestarrunner.  If his hands and feet are truly not connected to the rest of his body, then Rayman has a command of the Force that even Yoda would be jealous of.


4. Did anyone play-test Superman 64 before it was released?

Actually this one's pretty self-explanatory.

That wraps up our quick look at some of gaming's (mostly) unanswered questions.  If you have gaming questions you would like to see featured in a future blog entry, drop me an email at: strangegaming86@yahoo.com.

Odd Moments in Japanese Arcade Gaming

Let's face it, games developed in Japan can get downright strange.  I'm not saying all Japanese games are weird, because it would be gamer blasphemy to knock such masterpieces as the Mario and Zelda franchises, and the majority of the Final Fantasy games.  Although, think about the concept of Super Mario for a second and tell me it's not weird to play a game where a fat plumber warps around using pipes while battling killer turtles.

Anyway, the strangeness of some of these games extends to the arcades of Japan, where we see games that would probably not survive in censorship-crazy America.  One such game is Boong-Ga Boong-Ga.

As you can probably tell from the screenshot, Boong-Ga Boong-Ga is an ass-smacking simulator, where you hit the butt attached to the machine, and poke it using the supplied plastic finger, in order to score points.  While the sick bastards play this game, they get to watch the screen and get further enjoyment from seeing the pained facial expressions of the digital person whose ass is being attacked.

New this year in Japan is the Sega Toylet, which is a game add-on for urinals in public bathrooms.

Apparently taking a leak has never been this fun.

The Sega Toylet contains multiple game modes, all which have to do with measuring urine streams using a pressure sensor embedded in the urinal.  One such game is all about "washing" graffiti off a virtual wall by urinating as hard as possible onto the sensor.  As weird as this whole gaming concept sounds, am I the only one who thinks this would be a huge hit here in America?

Until next time, happy ass-smacking!

Tingle: The Man-Elf From Your Worst Nightmares

When you stop to think about it, the Legend of Zelda games have some genuinely creepy characters.  People have plenty to fear from these games, be it Ooccoo from Twilight Princess, the Redeads from Ocarina of Time, and probably the most feared character of them all: Tingle.

Tingle first appeared to haunt our nightmares in Majora's Mask for the N64,  where he desperately wants to be a fairy.  He has become so delusional that he thinks wearing green full-body spandex, acting extremely flamboyant, and flying around with the help of a balloon tied to his waist has magically transformed him.  Sadly the only way to receive maps for certain areas of the game are by buying them through Tingle, so for most of us, this creature was unavoidable.

And then, for reasons unknown, Nintendo decided that Tingle was a huge hit, and to the horror of gamers everywhere they made the choice to include him in many Zelda games following Majora's Mask.  I still remember thinking that after Majora's Mask I was done with that man-elf once and for all, only to cry in anguish upon finding him in The Oracle of Ages, floating around and staring at me with that creepy smile that would strike fear into the heart of Ganon.

As if that wasn't enough, Nintendo chose to torture us even more by upping the ante in the Wind Waker.  We not only get Tingle, but we get a location called Tingle Island that is entirely populated by Tingle clones!

Why did Nintendo do this to us?  Is it because Wind Waker is a game about sailing the open seas, so Nintendo wanted to include their version of the Bermuda Triangle?

Thankfully, Miyamoto decided to give us a break by not including the man-elf-satan in Twilight Princess, probably knowing that a game with both Tingle and Ooccoo would probably scare away most gamers from future Zelda games.  But it still doesn't excuse them from all the Tingle appearances in the past.  Until next time, Tingle, Tingle, Kooloo-Limpah!

Historically Bad Voice Acting in Games

We've all played a game or two in our lives that has made us either cringe or bust out laughing (or both) upon reaching a cutscene.  I don't know about you, but when I'm watching a cutscene, I like to feel at least some immersion in the game world.   Even if it's a comical world such as in the Sonic Adventure games, the voice actors should at least give us the impression that they are trying to do their jobs.  But alas, in too many cases we have received some of the most cringe-worthy voice acting in gaming history.




Now that is some uninspiring voice acting!  And since we are on the topic of awkward, monotone-ish voiceovers, you know that I'm going to bring up Capcom.  The Resident Evil games are notorious for providing bland, uninspired, and as a result hilarious voice acting (Jill sandwich anyone?).



Were the actors even trying? How could Capcom let this pass inspection knowing that laughing at cutscenes in a survival horror is a sure way to break the mood?  To their credit, recent Resident Evil games have improved their voiceovers, although it appears that the character of Albert Wesker will always remain over the top, as he should be!

Now, to finish off this small roundup of bad voice acting, we have to go somewhere that is absolutely painful to even think of.  Games whose mere mention makes Nintendo fans scream in rage and anguish before clutching their copies of A Link to the Past for comfort.  The games I speak of are....The CD-i Zelda Games!

Judging by this pose and hairstyle, I don't even want to know what he has to say.

Besides the fact that the gameplay in these CD-i versions of Zelda has no redeeming features, the cutscenes are jaw-dropping bad.  I can't even express the horror of these cutscenes.  The most obvious blasphemy to Nintendo fans (besides the fact that these games were made) is that the developers gave the famously silent Link a speaking role, and to add insult to injury, Link and all the other characters were voiced by amateur actors who obviously had no freaking idea what they were doing!



Seeing as we've hit rock bottom with the CD-i Zelda cutscenes, this is as good a time as any to wrap up this segment of Historically Bad Voice Acting in Games.

If you know of more cringe-worthy cutscenes that you would like featured in this blog, feel free to drop an email to: strangegaming86@yahoo.com

A Strange Moment in Gaming History

This Strange Moment in Gaming History is brought to you by one of the creepiest, if not the creepiest characters in the Legend of Zelda series: Ooccoo from The Legend of Zelda: The Twilight Princess.

If this is the first time your eyes have gazed upon this creature, I'm sure you have just shuddered with loathing, that sure was my reaction when encountering it for the first time.  It makes you wonder what the Nintendo devs were thinking when they decided to create a chicken-zombie hybrid that is encountered in just about every dungeon in Twilight Princess.

Even scarier is Ooccoo's son, which appears to be nothing more than a flying zombie head that emits strange child-like noises while teleporting (more on that in a bit).

To their credit, they are a useful aspect of the game, as they allow you to teleport out of dungeons (using the powers of zombie-head Ooccoo Jr.) and then return at any time you like, to the very room you teleported from.

Even if you find that these abominations creep you out to the fullest, and decide to avoid them at all costs in every dungeon in the game, you are out of luck.  Eventually you come to an entire dungeon that is populated by Oocca (the species' name).

The Horror!

If you are somehow intrigued by these creatures of Shigeru Miyamoto's nightmares, then by all means, Wiki Them.

As always, if you have suggestions for future Strange Moments in Gaming History articles, or if you just have some funny/strange/badass gaming pictures you would like to see posted in this blog, send them to strangegaming86@yahoo.com