Gaming News: Sony Cuts PS3 Price to $250

Let us deviate from our path of game strangeness for a minute and report that Sony is cutting the price of the PS3 from $299 to $249.  Looks like Sony decided to play a little follow-the-leader after the recent price drop of the Nintendo 3DS.

Regardless, it is now a bit more affordable to try out some weird PS3 games such as Catherine, where you get to experience the nightmares of the protagonist, while solving puzzles along the way.

Annoying Sidekicks That Make You Want to Go Solo

Sometimes, even the mightiest of game characters need someone or something to provide assistance.  When done properly, a sidekick for the main character can be a valuable asset, providing hints or new abilities that wouldn't be available otherwise.  Sometimes a good sidekick can be there mainly to provide observations that help to pull you into the story, such as in the Halo games when Cortana provides the Master Chief with updates about the Covenant's whereabouts and current actions.

However, there are game developers out there who want to ruin our fun by providing annoying and sometimes worthless sidekicks that rarely do more than get on our nerves.  Here are some of the offending characters that you may have had the misfortune of putting up with.

Ashley from Resident Evil 4

Leon help! Help me! Leon!! Help!

The low point of Resident Evil 4 is when you rescue Ashley, because from then on the game pretty much becomes one giant escort mission.  Ashley has absolutely no way to defend herself, which results in her constantly crying for you to help her.  This is a huge inconvenience while you are trying to defend yourself from hordes of almost-zombie villagers.  Worse still, she has her own life bar, so if you decide to let her fend for herself you'll be greeted with plenty of game over screens.  I suspect that only Ico is a game that involves more hand holding than this Resident Evil game.

Roman from Grand Theft Auto IV

Cousin! Let us go bowling, again.

Ok so technically Roman isn't your sidekick in GTA IV, but you end up driving him around the city so much that he might as well be.  Roman is the cousin of the main character Niko, and enjoys spending time with him, which means that he often gives Niko a call and asks that they hang out.  This wouldn't be a problem if the phone calls were few and far between, but no, it seems like every five minutes you are receiving a call from Roman to go bowling, play darts, or hit up the strip clubs.  And you always have to drive over to pick up Roman within a time limit, or else he feels that you snubbed him, and your friendship rating nosedives.  There's nothing more annoying than having to drive all the way across Liberty City to pick this guy up and take him to a bar for the 100th time in the game.

Navi from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

This is probably the most annoying character in all the Zelda games, a fairy who won't shut up.  Navi is your constant companion throughout the entire game, and can be very helpful by telling you the weaknesses of enemies, and hinting at which area you should visit next in order to make progress in the storyline.  However, when she wants you to advance further in the game, she constantly lets you know about it, driving both you and Link insane with cries of "Hey! Hey! Listen!!"  As all Zelda fans can tell you, it's a very unpleasant experience to have a fairy screaming in your ear every couple of minutes while you are trying to travel Hyrule field to complete side-quests.

The Many Odd Choices for Protagonists

When playing video games, we all like to play as interesting characters, from the mighty Link to the Jedi and Sith of the Knights of the Old Republic games.  Seeing as how we'll be stuck playing as these characters for the 10-30+ hours it usually takes to complete a game, we'd like the characters to be somewhat likeable.

Fortunately a majority of the games I have played have included protagonists that I found thoroughly enjoyable.  However, as with everything in life, there have been some serious mistakes made by game developers when choosing a main protagonist for their games.  What follows are a few protagonists that I think should never have been allowed to make it past the drawing board.

Lester, from Lester the Unlikely

I actually didn't even know this game existed until watching the Angry Video Game Nerd's review.  Lester is indeed an unlikely hero, basically just a geeky, cowardly teenager with no heroic qualities whatsoever.  Whenever he encounters an enemy, Lester will spin around and run for his life.  What crowd was this game supposed to be marketed to?  Nobody plays video games so they may be placed into the shoes of a sniveling coward with an embarrassing walk cycle (really, you have to see it to believe it).  That would be like making a Bully game where you play as the kids who get their asses kicked by Jimmy on a daily basis.

Shaq, from Shaq Fu

Don't get me wrong, I love playing as Shaq in NBA games, but I completely disliked a Kung Fu-fighting Shaq.  Maybe I'm just bitter because this game was utter garbage, with bad collision detection and impossible-to-execute combos.  But a really bad design choice is that you barely notice you are playing as Shaq, it just feels like some cookie-cutter angry 7' tall guy.  If the developers had even tried to incorporate some of Shaq's unique personality, Shaq Fu could have been a very funny experience and I might have been able to put up with the severe game play flaws.

The Rookie, from Halo 3: ODST

I'm probably digging myself into a deep hole by including The Rookie on this list, but hear me out first!  It seems like Bungie was trying too hard to make a "Master Chief Jr." when designing this character.  This game could have been Bungie's chance to introduce a completely new character with an entirely different personality and style than the no-nonsense Chief (which they sort of succeeded in with the inclusion of other playable troopers).  Instead we get a completely silent character with no personality at all, who adds nothing to the Halo universe.  I call him Master Chief Jr. because he looks and controls just like the Chief, but since he isn't a Spartan, we don't get any of the signature daring stunts (as well as the signature in-game respect from your fellow Marines) that make the Master Chief so awesome.

Honorable Mention:  Tidus from Final Fantasy X

I ranted about this annoying brat earlier, so as a result he receives an honorable mention.

Strange Gaming Moment: Gravemind the Talking Plant

Remember back when you had your first play through of Halo 1?  The suspense as you made your way through the dark and creepy swamp level?  The anticipation of what kind of terrifying enemy would make the Covenant run for their lives?  I admit I was a bit let down upon finding out that the main reason for the suspense was just the zombie-like Flood, but it was still a nice change of pace to have a new enemy to battle.  The Flood were a pain in the ass to fight, mainly because of how resilient they were to most weapons except the shotgun and the rocket launcher.  Even the sheer numbers of the parasitic forms could be a nightmare if your shields were down.

Go ahead, unload that entire assault rifle clip into him, he can take it.

I was content to think of the Flood as a bunch of zombies who were controlled by the parasitic forms, each with individual mindless goals (attack anything that isn't a Flood).  However, with the release of Halo 2, Bungie decided to make the Flood a hive-minded species, controlled by one supreme Flood creature.  The problem is that they chose one of the most laughable ways of doing this.  Meet Gravemind:

It's a little hard to tell from screenshots, but Gravemind is essentially a gigantic talking Venus flytrap.  Kind of difficult taking the story seriously when something so comical is introduced isn't it?  Gravemind's main goal is for the Flood to consume all sentient life in the galaxy, apparently while they all die of laughter from seeing a talking plant pretending to be a badass.

Despite all the negative feedback from Halo fans, Bungie again included Gravemind in Halo 3 as one of the main antagonists.  Thankfully the Master Chief and the Arbiter destroy him once and for all, but it remains to be seen if another Gravemind-like creature will make an appearance in Halo 4.

Odd Moments in Japanese Arcade Gaming

Let's face it, games developed in Japan can get downright strange.  I'm not saying all Japanese games are weird, because it would be gamer blasphemy to knock such masterpieces as the Mario and Zelda franchises, and the majority of the Final Fantasy games.  Although, think about the concept of Super Mario for a second and tell me it's not weird to play a game where a fat plumber warps around using pipes while battling killer turtles.

Anyway, the strangeness of some of these games extends to the arcades of Japan, where we see games that would probably not survive in censorship-crazy America.  One such game is Boong-Ga Boong-Ga.

As you can probably tell from the screenshot, Boong-Ga Boong-Ga is an ass-smacking simulator, where you hit the butt attached to the machine, and poke it using the supplied plastic finger, in order to score points.  While the sick bastards play this game, they get to watch the screen and get further enjoyment from seeing the pained facial expressions of the digital person whose ass is being attacked.

New this year in Japan is the Sega Toylet, which is a game add-on for urinals in public bathrooms.

Apparently taking a leak has never been this fun.

The Sega Toylet contains multiple game modes, all which have to do with measuring urine streams using a pressure sensor embedded in the urinal.  One such game is all about "washing" graffiti off a virtual wall by urinating as hard as possible onto the sensor.  As weird as this whole gaming concept sounds, am I the only one who thinks this would be a huge hit here in America?

Until next time, happy ass-smacking!

Strange Gaming News: Gotham City Impostors Beta

While we all wait for the dark and serious Batman: Arkham City to arrive, why not sign up for a beta test of a goofier, much stranger Batman-themed game?   The beta for Gotham City Impostors (available for Xbox 360, PS3, PC) will start in September, but you can head over to the game's main site to sign up right now.

For those who haven't heard of this game, it's a team-based first person shooter consisting of one Batman team and one Joker team.  Each team consists of psychopathic average Joes dressed up as either Batman or the Joker, depending on their team.  The trailer, which showcases fast paced action and over-the-top weaponry, brings back memories (for me at least) of frantic Timesplitters multiplayer matches.  Chances are it won't be able to dethrone Team Fortress 2 in the area of team-based game play, but it should still be fun to fire rockets at murderous Batman wannabes wielding machine guns.

Awkward Gaming Moment: Cloud Strife in Drag

In an earlier post, I claimed that Cloud Strife was one of the most badass characters in the Final Fantasy games, certainly more so than Tidus and Vaan of later games.  However, there is one moment in Final Fantasy VII that puts this into question, which is when Cloud dresses up in drag.  For all five of you who haven't played FFVII, I'll have you know that I'm not making this up.

In an early mission in the game, Cloud wanders through the Wall Market section of Midgar, collecting items of clothing such as a dress and lingerie, and even finds himself obtaining a wig.  The point being that Cloud needs to enter a mafia leader's house where he believes Tifa has been kidnapped.  Apparently cross dressing is the only way to do this, I guess Cloud forgot that he carries a body-sized sword and is powerful enough to match Sephiroth.

So anyway, Cloudette manages to get an audience with the mafia leader, and if it wasn't awkward enough seeing Cloud in a dress:

Don't worry, because it just keeps getting more awkward...

And more awkward...

Tifa eventually barges in and finds Cloud in this awkward situation, making for one of the funniest parts in the game.  Whether you think it's funny or mentally scarring, we can all agree that this is definitely an Awkward Moment in Gaming!